sometime in the night i almost cried
but didn't
it startled her but not much
in my head the whole world hid
soundlessly jumping under covers
it wanted to be where i was
wanted it's heart to bound and race
pumping blood mixed with love
high like that last sip of wine
dizzy like spinning under water
in my head
the whole world loved her as much
as me, so that
all at once it gave a great big sigh
soundlessly jumping under covers
overwhelmed as i was
with touching her skin
in the dark it seemed clear
as clear as dust caught floating
in morning light before a window
but words were too loose
to tell her all this
i wanted to speak in raindrops
falling in sheets across bodies
of dark and open water
sing a love song like callls of coyotes
unseen in desert canyons
wated to cling to her
like summer mud drying
on the backs of her calves
instead i half sighed and hid
under the covers my face on her stomach
love you love you i whispered
falling asleep almost crying
startling her but not much
to pick up fish
though it's hard
i can see them
running to the beaches
to pick up fish
left when water retreated
before returning in walls
these children
were part of those
swept to sea
on a day
when waves
brought death to many
there are horrors
i cannot see
but those children
running to beaches
to pick up fish
i see them
perhaps smiling
with curious joy
i can see them
running to the beaches
to pick up fish
left when water retreated
before returning in walls
these children
were part of those
swept to sea
on a day
when waves
brought death to many
there are horrors
i cannot see
but those children
running to beaches
to pick up fish
i see them
perhaps smiling
with curious joy
not the common sybols of christmas
a squeeze box and a penny whistle
made music on my front step
with the windchill whipping negatives
two friends played with christmas spirit
they present a plate of cookies
and to another's house they went
a squeeze box and a penny whistle
are not the common symbols of christmas
the symbols i've never liked much
i like old men with white beards a bit cranky
and the red always seems too rosy
what would it be without pricetags
and glowing plastic baby jesus
is plain odd
but lately i love the subtle symbols
two friends, a squeezebox, a pennywhistle
and more friends and family who come home
because there's something to bring them all home
and why not a holiday
the times for packing in socials
good drink and good food and good hugs
people just need to be happy
to set aside a time to be merry
lift up their spirits and spread them
to the front steps of those who will welcome
music on a cold winter night
made music on my front step
with the windchill whipping negatives
two friends played with christmas spirit
they present a plate of cookies
and to another's house they went
a squeeze box and a penny whistle
are not the common symbols of christmas
the symbols i've never liked much
i like old men with white beards a bit cranky
and the red always seems too rosy
what would it be without pricetags
and glowing plastic baby jesus
is plain odd
but lately i love the subtle symbols
two friends, a squeezebox, a pennywhistle
and more friends and family who come home
because there's something to bring them all home
and why not a holiday
the times for packing in socials
good drink and good food and good hugs
people just need to be happy
to set aside a time to be merry
lift up their spirits and spread them
to the front steps of those who will welcome
music on a cold winter night
john kerry disappeared
john kerry has disappeared
from my life
he and george were such a presence
earlier this year
both were always on my tv
and i saw their names
on posters all over the city
all those people are gone
except george of course
i guess they've gone
to make the world a better place
well, the u.s.a. at least
they've gone now to focus on the issues
fulfill promises
at the capitols
i guess they leave the issues
with us
i can't stand the word issues
it's like when a person
somehow is transformed into the subject
because the issues
are not like headings of bookstore rows
abortion, education, terror, war
there's more, i know, heard about it all fall
and these are the things
they disappeared to take care of
so goodbye john kerry
and you new senators
all the lifers in congress
see you in a couple years
when issues reappear
till then all us people
will just try to get along
from my life
he and george were such a presence
earlier this year
both were always on my tv
and i saw their names
on posters all over the city
all those people are gone
except george of course
i guess they've gone
to make the world a better place
well, the u.s.a. at least
they've gone now to focus on the issues
fulfill promises
at the capitols
i guess they leave the issues
with us
i can't stand the word issues
it's like when a person
somehow is transformed into the subject
because the issues
are not like headings of bookstore rows
abortion, education, terror, war
there's more, i know, heard about it all fall
and these are the things
they disappeared to take care of
so goodbye john kerry
and you new senators
all the lifers in congress
see you in a couple years
when issues reappear
till then all us people
will just try to get along
in the city, concerned about other things
i used to live outside
for long stretches of life
but i guessed the other day
at what time the sun comes up
the time when it get's dark
i haven't stared at the stars
after waking from a dream
for so long, it seems like so long
the last time i saw an animal
was then, when i paused
to watch it, cautiously in my presence
all this before i moved to the city
to live inside
be concerned about other things
for long stretches of life
but i guessed the other day
at what time the sun comes up
the time when it get's dark
i haven't stared at the stars
after waking from a dream
for so long, it seems like so long
the last time i saw an animal
was then, when i paused
to watch it, cautiously in my presence
all this before i moved to the city
to live inside
be concerned about other things
been reading blogs
been reading blogs
now that i have one
when i started writing these words
zapping them to the web
for any computer savy stranger
to see
i only could poke fun
at the name
sounding like the name
of a b-movie monster
blog, a particularly gross
sounding fart
a code word in some silly club
b.l.o.g. - boys love oogling girls
how could you make something
sound sillier
it turns out
a good name is not needed
for the blogs that are out there
are a mishmash of words
that rarely result in anything
they remind me of half finished sentences
of abandoned cars in a yard
without the glamor
the many i saw offer nothing
and so i leave it at that
writing poems which i post
trying to avoid the word blog
now that i have one
when i started writing these words
zapping them to the web
for any computer savy stranger
to see
i only could poke fun
at the name
sounding like the name
of a b-movie monster
blog, a particularly gross
sounding fart
a code word in some silly club
b.l.o.g. - boys love oogling girls
how could you make something
sound sillier
it turns out
a good name is not needed
for the blogs that are out there
are a mishmash of words
that rarely result in anything
they remind me of half finished sentences
of abandoned cars in a yard
without the glamor
the many i saw offer nothing
and so i leave it at that
writing poems which i post
trying to avoid the word blog
bacteria behind this
it was hard to tell myself
bacteria was behind this
keeping me lying down
curled up and groaning
it felt like my stomach
was trying to wring itself dry
i kept saying
it's only microscopic organisms
that were somewhere in that burrito
that just aren't jiving with me
i kept saying
that this can't go on forever
somebody's got to win
me or that bacteria
and i believe that everytime i groaned
it was with determination
my body had a gameplan
was what my mind reasoned
that's all this was
all that sick ever is
and so i sat up
my stomach reacted quickly
seizing on the moment
to employ it's daringest tactic
my mind in turn helped out
crawl to the toilet, it knew
and there the battle took place
bacteria are no match
for my multiple systems
stomach erupting
with miraculous force
mind stood back helpless
judging the horrors of war
it didn't end right then
these thing go on
little battles here and there
needing time
to recover from the effects
and in the end
i even ate again
bacteria was behind this
keeping me lying down
curled up and groaning
it felt like my stomach
was trying to wring itself dry
i kept saying
it's only microscopic organisms
that were somewhere in that burrito
that just aren't jiving with me
i kept saying
that this can't go on forever
somebody's got to win
me or that bacteria
and i believe that everytime i groaned
it was with determination
my body had a gameplan
was what my mind reasoned
that's all this was
all that sick ever is
and so i sat up
my stomach reacted quickly
seizing on the moment
to employ it's daringest tactic
my mind in turn helped out
crawl to the toilet, it knew
and there the battle took place
bacteria are no match
for my multiple systems
stomach erupting
with miraculous force
mind stood back helpless
judging the horrors of war
it didn't end right then
these thing go on
little battles here and there
needing time
to recover from the effects
and in the end
i even ate again
people do not act this way
it's hard to think back to betrayal
and that's what i'll call it for now
already told the graphic detail
just betrayal for now
perhaps it's more universal this way
and i wonder
how many see humanity in judas
it's hard to get back into my head
change can turn into stangers
back then did i believe it was
only about intention
i didn't mean to hurt anyone
looking back it's hard to know
if i meant anything
feeling as stable as a plastic bag
filled with liquid
i didn't mean to derail
years of susinct intention
i didn't mean to hurt myself
thought i was saving myself
from loneliness
later i didn't mean to hurt
by self judgment
picking scabs and pouring salt
saying there was no scum worse than i
saying people do not act this way
when we say people do not act this way
we look around searching
self-centered in so many ways
the eyes don't turn in
people do not act this way
we do
i'm done with judgement
this is my intention
done with betrayal
this is my intention
but though i've changed
that old me was still human
like i am now
knowing people act
as they will
this guy and mona lisa
there's this guy
who grabs a chair from somewhere
and drags it out to the sidewalk
he wears knock-off cheap leather pants
on his skinny somewhat grisled frame
he stands on the chair
and performs horribly average instrumentals
i wonder if he notices
the students who give no notice
or give their indirect sidelong glances
he seems not to and plays on
today i saw him again
playing in a parka with fur on the hood
over his fake leather pants
i think this brings me more inspiration
than if he were impeccably good
for him there's some other reason than that
oddly i remember the time
my one time in paris
where before me stood the mona lisa
and a somewhat swarming mob
i couldn't help but notice
old mona's neighbor
and i thought this painting
was so much more interesting
so you'll have to go look
for the men on the chairs
for the passed over masterpieces
and see what you think
who grabs a chair from somewhere
and drags it out to the sidewalk
he wears knock-off cheap leather pants
on his skinny somewhat grisled frame
he stands on the chair
and performs horribly average instrumentals
i wonder if he notices
the students who give no notice
or give their indirect sidelong glances
he seems not to and plays on
today i saw him again
playing in a parka with fur on the hood
over his fake leather pants
i think this brings me more inspiration
than if he were impeccably good
for him there's some other reason than that
oddly i remember the time
my one time in paris
where before me stood the mona lisa
and a somewhat swarming mob
i couldn't help but notice
old mona's neighbor
and i thought this painting
was so much more interesting
so you'll have to go look
for the men on the chairs
for the passed over masterpieces
and see what you think
just a couple things
tonight i'm thinking about two things
one is the people in the city
people that are familiar strangers
the other is passenger pigeons
i'm not sure how they relate yet
but i guess we'll see
perhaps there's comfort in both
these people that are passing by
and the species of extinct bird
these are the people on the bus
who i pretend not to notice
refraining from asking questions
unless it's, nice weather huh
and the birds that were blown away
all five million in a relative second in time
these two things give me comfort
sometimes i feel right about us
about how people will be
that's the comfort in extinction
the comfort in the familiar strangers
who sit next to me but don't ask questions
like what i'm thinking
about the passenger pigeons and people
one is the people in the city
people that are familiar strangers
the other is passenger pigeons
i'm not sure how they relate yet
but i guess we'll see
perhaps there's comfort in both
these people that are passing by
and the species of extinct bird
these are the people on the bus
who i pretend not to notice
refraining from asking questions
unless it's, nice weather huh
and the birds that were blown away
all five million in a relative second in time
these two things give me comfort
sometimes i feel right about us
about how people will be
that's the comfort in extinction
the comfort in the familiar strangers
who sit next to me but don't ask questions
like what i'm thinking
about the passenger pigeons and people
dog eats poison
my dog ate poison
he doesn't seem daunted
it's just me
it takes a few moments
after walking throught the door
to notice the chewed bottle
bike chain cleaner never smelled so strong
he'd never really eat this, i thought
but like a canine alcoholic
i could smell it on his breath
then there is the anger
it's like the anger at a government
hard to know who to blame
i wanted to kick the dog
or kick myself or kick the wall
but the bottle read fatal
time to ask what next
i called the vet and got numbers
so i called some more
i happened to reach the only service of it's kind
a poison control clinic for all of n. america
they make sure that you know
it's no longer free
i could have been nicer
as i respelled lightning
how could they help me
if they can't spell lightning
but i gave them the details
or the details i knew
in the end it's not so dramatic
perhaps just a loss of gag reflex
so take away food and water
and see he doesn't retch somewhere
call me if he does
all this said dr. yosef
then he charged my fifty bucks
he doesn't seem daunted
it's just me
it takes a few moments
after walking throught the door
to notice the chewed bottle
bike chain cleaner never smelled so strong
he'd never really eat this, i thought
but like a canine alcoholic
i could smell it on his breath
then there is the anger
it's like the anger at a government
hard to know who to blame
i wanted to kick the dog
or kick myself or kick the wall
but the bottle read fatal
time to ask what next
i called the vet and got numbers
so i called some more
i happened to reach the only service of it's kind
a poison control clinic for all of n. america
they make sure that you know
it's no longer free
i could have been nicer
as i respelled lightning
how could they help me
if they can't spell lightning
but i gave them the details
or the details i knew
in the end it's not so dramatic
perhaps just a loss of gag reflex
so take away food and water
and see he doesn't retch somewhere
call me if he does
all this said dr. yosef
then he charged my fifty bucks
upon my return
(wrote this last spring after a trip to jolly england and just happened upon it again)
upon my return
my first return where correct documentation
{in the form of passport}
was needed
upon my entrance the homeland
the united states
this is what i declared:
1 queen elizabeth postcard
1 english bobby postcard
1 english breakfast postcard
total value: $1.50
there are less immesurable things
i would like to declare to the united states
but i'll save them for later
feeling so much safer
upon my return
upon my return
my first return where correct documentation
{in the form of passport}
was needed
upon my entrance the homeland
the united states
this is what i declared:
1 queen elizabeth postcard
1 english bobby postcard
1 english breakfast postcard
total value: $1.50
there are less immesurable things
i would like to declare to the united states
but i'll save them for later
feeling so much safer
upon my return
tomorrow you may feel it
close your eyes
now open them
and close them again
what if everything changed
and what if this is the way it is
i'm not so sure it's not
think of all you might feel in a day
and tomorrow you may feel it
i picked up the phone and felt death
read a letter and thought about babies
closed my eyes and floated down a river
i heard a story while rocking in a chair
about christmas eve alone
and someone came to play the violin
i drove into the countryside
the countryside of flatness and fields
small farms still existing for now
even seeing a fluffy small puppy
changed my day
sometimes i want to make life my own
manage and attack it like a robot
but this is no choose your own adventure
more like a flip book or a pop-up
hang on to the coat-tails or not
choose to keep those eyes shut forever
or open them
see what you want to see
and react
now open them
and close them again
what if everything changed
and what if this is the way it is
i'm not so sure it's not
think of all you might feel in a day
and tomorrow you may feel it
i picked up the phone and felt death
read a letter and thought about babies
closed my eyes and floated down a river
i heard a story while rocking in a chair
about christmas eve alone
and someone came to play the violin
i drove into the countryside
the countryside of flatness and fields
small farms still existing for now
even seeing a fluffy small puppy
changed my day
sometimes i want to make life my own
manage and attack it like a robot
but this is no choose your own adventure
more like a flip book or a pop-up
hang on to the coat-tails or not
choose to keep those eyes shut forever
or open them
see what you want to see
and react
light rail romance
maybe it was something i made up
like my dream last night about teeth
but i swear there was something
some excitement about trains
i think i want to believe some glory
about the conductor and his engine
with a heavy industrial chugging
clacking it's way across the landscape
about people wearing fancy hats
standing on a platform glancing
turning and looking and listening
all this in the train, i wanted to say
this is how it should be, i wanted to say
cuz people fucking love trains
they'd love to ride them all over
all over the cities, out into the country
they'd ride them underground
blasting through the darkness
ride them floating over the city
looking down on the madness
so build them all you mayors
you govenors and senators
build them and they'll be ridden
even god should build one
right on up to heaven
cuz everyone love trains, i wanted to say
but maybe it ain't so
there maybe isn't any glory
there perhaps wasn't this thing
i believed was there at the platform
perhaps the light rail was packed
and people were waiting
not for their love
their love of the trains
but only because
people love the mall
like my dream last night about teeth
but i swear there was something
some excitement about trains
i think i want to believe some glory
about the conductor and his engine
with a heavy industrial chugging
clacking it's way across the landscape
about people wearing fancy hats
standing on a platform glancing
turning and looking and listening
all this in the train, i wanted to say
this is how it should be, i wanted to say
cuz people fucking love trains
they'd love to ride them all over
all over the cities, out into the country
they'd ride them underground
blasting through the darkness
ride them floating over the city
looking down on the madness
so build them all you mayors
you govenors and senators
build them and they'll be ridden
even god should build one
right on up to heaven
cuz everyone love trains, i wanted to say
but maybe it ain't so
there maybe isn't any glory
there perhaps wasn't this thing
i believed was there at the platform
perhaps the light rail was packed
and people were waiting
not for their love
their love of the trains
but only because
people love the mall
we've come a long way
i guess this is what i do to write. i find myself in front of a computer with this school thing going on. that's my excuse for using the internet and a blog. what a dumb name. it sounds like 50's b-movie monster. but i want to write and perhaps this will be fun.
today dec. three
today i read about darwin
i gasped when i saw war again
they say that theory
means something different in science
sometimes i wonder if i have one
almost cried out the bus window
i imagined the city falling down
there isn't a word for what we do
sometimes they call it sleepwalking
my dog sniffs at things that aren't there
i imagine my life is a movie
today i thought about adventure
like a search for the happiest man
what would he say when i met him
i hope he would make me smile
today dec. three
today i read about darwin
i gasped when i saw war again
they say that theory
means something different in science
sometimes i wonder if i have one
almost cried out the bus window
i imagined the city falling down
there isn't a word for what we do
sometimes they call it sleepwalking
my dog sniffs at things that aren't there
i imagine my life is a movie
today i thought about adventure
like a search for the happiest man
what would he say when i met him
i hope he would make me smile
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