thrown away starts

i must have something here
amidst my thrown away starts
left like abandoned toys
the shine lost to shadow

there must be a story or two
worth sharing
rather than images of things
sinking in around me
the future seems over hills to steep to climb

what about what i learn
standing over beds
moving tubes protruding
from abdomens as spiders' legs
hooked to low continuous suction
what about these people
and not their tubes or diagnosis

if i'm sinking
where are these people
i'm standing over

this is my bubble
like a car of steel and glass
it needs velocity to be broken

i close my eyes and see caves
closed in by deepest winter darkness
i'm hurring through hospital halls
cold and busy with lists

my velocity is lagging
an aging dirty engine
slow with soot and road salt

what about what i know
that when i sit still
and wait for those to find me
i can forget where i am
and what game i'm playing

my niece announces,
now let's play where i hide under this
and you find me

i forget to announce
and think about how i'm hiding
waiting for the time
when someone comes along
announcing,
now is the time when friends find you
lift you up from sinking
climb a hill together

i must have something here
amidst all these confessions
that could fit together to tell a story
i could draw the pictures

i am shivering under a blanket
cold cave fluorescent
i'm hiding from the bedside table
littered with anti-pills and lists
outside friends shuffle the hospital hall
calling

the car is near, idling
i'm wondering if i can build speed and out of what
i throw my weight against the bubble walls
try to burst it on the corners of things i've learned
on the people i stand over

what about what i wrote
i pull up these daggers
abandoned and buried
my toys of long ago
the points are rounded rusty
i put them to the walls and lean

announce,
now is when i write and search
and by the last line feel more well

colors of morning

colors of morning
weighing heavy horizon
anchored by naked black trees
branches reaching like bronchi
the hills and the fences can't hide it
it inches as apparition

you could think of this as forward
you could think of this as beginning
this is direction, some say
this is nothing some say

call it colors, light
as if it brings newness
everything all here before