that certain love


us

it was not always certain
to be what it is

our love was always certain

it has taken time
it has taken us, taking chance

there were arms held out the window
one room in one brick building
in one city covered by autumn leaves

the arms held out a lit cigarette
it burning with deliberation
the smoke was escaping

we talked a lot about trust then
me having fractured it
and asking for chance
to have it back

it seems like this should have been covered
somewhere in the love poems
before

have i neglected this poem
instead, saving it
as a quick story explaining
what it took

this isn’t quick
this isn’t just the part about
getting in the car in the desert
driving all night and another day
to stand and ring the bell at her place
flowers in hand

this is these conversations
had, holding lit cigarettes out the window
had, with head in hands
resting on chins
looking into tearful eyes

that certain love
was the easy part

was there forgiveness
was trust enough
were we tired enough
of running and reuniting

in that apartment
on grand avenue
we did enough
talking and holding
chancing rejection
and future hurt

it was not certain
i remember my young self
looking into her blue eyes
and feeling her lips on mine
fearing it was a sweet final goodbye

and yet there is us
us now

when everything slides


there are days
when everything slides a little
and it is these days
i want to spend alone
with this tilting
staring out the window
at rain

there are parts
of my brain
that are warmer
at the same time
my body is colder
weaker in the world
fading to something else
it feels like the words
come from these places
cold and warm together

i loosen my set jaw
to chew on tom waits’s piano
and the notes fall
rain drops from clothes lines

streams fill up
on these days
running down
away